Closing My Eyes
by Vicxyx
Summary: Bella is the closest to death she's ever been with no-one to save her, and these are her final moments on Earth. Pre-BD. BellaPOV.


**Disclaimer**: None of this is mine (except the plot). It all belongs to Stephenie Meyer.

**A/N**: _This is a short one-shot I wrote just before BD came out, when I was in a bit of a sad mood! Therefore, I know it would never work, but just go with it! _

**Summary**: Bella is the closest to death she's ever been with no-one to save her, and these are her final moments on Earth. Pre-BD. BellaPOV.

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**Closing My Eyes**

Even in all my dynastic fantasies about the future, this was one thing my imagination had never been able to conjure. It wasn't that the situation was the worst I'd been in, I'd suffered more with no doubt, but it was that it was the final straw. The one option with which there was no reprieve. It was really best for everyone, even myself if I thought about it, but I hadn't quite come to terms with it yet.

Carlisle approached slowly. I smiled weakly; it was comforting for there to be someone familiar around, despite it not being the person I wanted to see most.

"I've seen vampire venom work miracles, but there are conditions that even venom cannot overcome," he said. I closed my eyes. It was what we had already known or guessed at, but now it was final. There was nothing I could do. I heard his deep sigh, then his footsteps growing quieter and quieter.

It seemed odd to me how venom could cure the Spanish Influenza but not leukemia. Perhaps it was the advanced stage I was at, that the condition had spread too far. Or perhaps it was just the fact I was almost at death, closer to death than anyone else. If I had been anyone else, I would be dead now. Apparently my determination was the only thing holding me to this earth; my determination that was about to fail.

I was alone in the middle of nowhere, with just Carlisle, who would be the one person who could help most, yet even he was unable to help now. Numerous Volturi in hiding and possibly even a few werewolves had trapped us here. All the events occurring in the past year had added up to this, and they were my entire fault. No one else would let me admit that, but I knew it was true.

I'm glad in a way I could finally die though. It couldn't break any more hearts than were already broken and maybe I could save a couple. Edward had sworn to not destroy himself and try to live for his family, Charlie and Renee believed I was already dead, and Jacob… Jacob probably couldn't care less now.

The clock hanging on the wall opposite read 11:57 pm. Three minutes until the new day, until my first wedding anniversary. Three minutes until I would give up. I thought over the main parts of my life. Nothing seemed to be of importance before I came to Forks. Forks, Edward and the Cullens had made my life how it had been, and I loved that. My memories were all I had left now, as I would never get anymore.

Meeting Edward for the first time. Almost getting killed by Tyler. Seeing Edward sparkle in the meadow. Meeting all the Cullens. Watching the Cullens play baseball. Running away from James, and being saved by Edward again. Prom with my leg in a cast. Being left by Edward. Learning to ride a motorcycle with Jacob. Meeting the pack and hanging out with Emily. Saving Edward from the Volturi and bringing him back. Hearing all the Quileute legends at the bonfire. Having the pack and the Cullens unite. Being kept warm by my space heater, Jacob. Talking the nights away with Edward. Discovering where my heart lay. Telling Renee about the wedding. Making plans with Alice, Esme and Renee. Graduating. Sitting on Edward's lap through my bridal shower. Having a crazy bachelorette party. Having a crazy hangover the day after. Getting married and kissing the groom. Celebrating in the Cullens' garden. Running away to England on honeymoon. Studying for a semester at Dartmoor. Moving to Alaska.

And that was where the happy memories ended. From then on, the events took a turn for the worst. I didn't even have to recall them; they were impossible to forget.

I glanced back up at the clock: 11.59. One minute left. I tried to think happy thoughts, but they just weren't coming. The best thing I could think of was Edward. I imagined Edward standing here, dazzling me with all his glory. As I thought this, Carlisle walked back in. He seemed to understand wordlessly that this was my last moment. His sorrow shone through his eyes but he knew why I had to let go. I had to let go of life to let everyone else have one. They would let Carlisle go and leave everyone else alone after I was gone.

He stood next to me and crouched down. He offered me his hand and I took it. I held on tight as I looked back up at the clock. I watched the seconds count down and kept pretending it was Edward holding my hand.

With thirty seconds remaining, I almost broke down. I wasn't ready for this in my brain, but my heart was ready. I'd lived a not always happy, but exciting and wonderful life for almost twenty years. It wasn't as long as I would have hoped, but it would have to do. I'd done more in my twenty years than some people had in fifty or sixty.

Ten seconds left. A single sob escaped. I opened my mouth to use the voice I hadn't used in over a week. I couldn't manage more than a whisper, but that would be fine. The one I wanted to hear it wasn't in shouting distance, so it would make no difference.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I love you Edward."

With that I released Carlisle's hand and closed my eyes for the final time.

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**A/N:** _I don't pretend to know anything about leukemia and I probably should have done some research. I didn't mean to offend anyone, promise._

That said, I'd love a review or two or more than two, please tell me what you think :)


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